aaron Funny Status Messages

   If the scientists REALLY want to know how the dinosaurs died, they can just ask the guy driving in front of me.

   Everyday is a constant struggle to not give in and finally taste one of the dogs Beggin' Strips.

   The days of good grammar has went.

   When in doubt, make the jerk-off hand motion.

   WHOA! Someone just explained to me that I don't get paid for updating my status. I'm going to miss you guys.

   An auto-flush urinal made me feel insecure about my manhood by flushing while I was peeing, as if to say "nothing registers as being there."

   Headed to Lowe's. After what I just did in the bathroom, it's best we just build another one.

   "Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting

   The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.

   I'm saving myself for marriage. Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage

   Commercials: Now brought to you with limited football interruption.

   Today doesn't have that new day smell.

   I'm at my best when no one is around.

   Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.

   Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done.

   I think I'll skip English tomorrow. There are just certain aspects of Moby I don't want to know about.

   What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.

   Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: "skeletal remains," "dumpster," "almost beyond recognition," "dental records" and "shallow grave."

   It's so cute how you think I'm listening.

   I don't know what my credit score is but I'm pretty sure I'm losing.