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The cool thing about democracy is that some people believe wrestling is real and they get to vote in the same elections as you do. 
I still haven’t buttoned my pants back up from Thanksgiving.
Wife: I’ve blisters on my hands from the broom. Me: Take the car next time!
wonders should we REALLY put labels on paint cans warning people that eating it could kill them? I mean, should we TRY to save anyone who would make a conscious decision to eat paint?
I figured out why I don't go out drinking much anymore... result being tagged in embarrassing photos on Facebook!
"That Wonka is a liar!", exclaimed by my six year old son when he realized his Everlasting Gobstopper was getting smaller and changing color.
OK Santa I guess your going to celebrate thanksgiving also
My Mom just said "I'm still hot! It just comes in flashes!"
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
One of the hardest choices I have had to make in my adult life, give my change to the bell ringer outside of Wal-Mart or spend it in the toy vending machine in hopes that I get the cool watch I was wanting.
If you see me in ur dream...do tell me how to get out of there...;)
thinks movies are ruining books since 1920.
doesn't want you to call me lazy until you've walked a couple of steps in my flip-flops.
"Keep this just between you and me" is a guarantee everyone will know by the end of the day
From what I've heard, there are actaully people whose paychecks last all the way to the next paycheck! I know! I didn't believe it either.
I wonder if Snoop Dogs favorite kind of weather is drizzle?
wondering how the Gore's will split the internet in their divorce.
If your not barefoot, you're overdressed...
You can watch things happen, you can make things happen, or you can wonder what just happened." ~ Phil Harris RIP
Can everyone just go n help get all the water out of BP's oil!! Thanx!! 