SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Dear Google, I successfully received the 5 notifications, 18 emails, and 6 popups about your changed privacy policy. Please send more.

   I overheard a woman yelling at her husband for paying more attention to Facebook than to her, or at least that's what I think she said to me.

   Pregnancy tests should read: You're Screwed! or Keep Screwing.

   I want to start a Super PAC that will pay Clint Eastwood to glare at politicians while they try to sleep.

   Forget personalized ringtones. I need something done to my doorbell so I can tell if it's family, friends, UPS, Jehovah's Witnesses, or people trying to sell me sh!t.

   Judging by the hair on the furniture, I'm surprised I have any cat left at all.

   My brain returns to its default settings every ten minutes.

   It's very hard to read someone's body language when they are running away from you.

   In today's economy, a picture is only worth about 250 words.

   Energy conservation activists would get more attention if they called themselves power rangers.

   I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

   It's not that we're anti-social, it's just that our phones got more interesting than human interaction.

   "Shia LeBeouf" sounds like the name of the venereal disease that will eventually rid the world of Kardashians.

   Curious George books are a great way to teach kids that single men who wear large yellow hats and own pet monkeys are in no way threatening.

   If you think you have me figured out, that's hilarious because I don't even have myself figured out.

   Theoretically, you can't really complain if there's a pubic hair on your everything bagel.

   Saw a Cougar wearing a Leopard coat, driving a Jaguar. It's a jungle out there.

   If you put your finger in someone's butt you're legally married to that person in at least 46 states.

   You can tell a lot about a new neighbor by how they react when they find you hiding under their bed.

   I have found that the best earmuffs are the inside of a women's thighs.