mark Funny Status Messages

   Due to slow sales, Apple CEO Tim Cook has been given a 15 percent pay cut. Or as Cook is spinning it, he’s coming out with a thinner more lightweight wallet.

   You know things are tough when my retirement plan consist of playing the lottery :(

   doesn't have a microwave oven but he does have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff

   The Beach Boys reunited at the Grammys. They're headed out on tour for their 50th anniversary. Now when they sing about surfing, they mean surfing the Internet for discounted prostate medication.

   The president announced his bracket for the NCAA tournament. March Madness and Obama is predicting Michigan State will beat Louisville to win the national championship. Going by Obama's past predictions, I want to congratulate Louisville on their big wi

   Researchers in China have developed these things called “smart tags” that stick to containers and change color when food has gone bad. That's in addition to that other thing that changes color when food goes bad — food.

   Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

   Rapture "I'm going out the way I came in, without pants.

   According to a recent survey just released this week, one-third of all mall Santa Claus' have had a child urinate in their lap. Even worse, the other two-thirds have urinated in their own laps.

   Why did Facebook go public? Couldn't they figure out the privacy settings either?

   Biden's teeth were so white last night, they're voting for Romney.

   I will never understand deer....napping beside the highway. Very dangerous!

   Facebook should have a limit on how many times you change ure relationship status, after 3 in a year it should auto-default to "unstable"

   Just trying to see who reads my post. Describe me using only your Facebook password....

   According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When's the last time you even ran into a Mayan?

   I never knew Charlie Sheen drank, until I saw him sober once.

   Dear Santa, when I said I wanted something blingy around my neck.... STREP THROAT is NOT what I had in mind :/

   I need you guys to vouch for me. I accidentally spelled Satan instead of Santa in Christmas lights and my neighbors house and now they are convinced that my star of Bethlehem is a pentagram......:/

   Valentine's gift ❒Electric Tooth Brush ❒ Electric Blanket ✔ Electric Chair

   Dear attractive teenage grocery checkout girl, please don't judge me for buying 3 cucumbers, 1 light bulb, a jar of jelly and 2 tubes of KY.