Hot Tea Funny Status Messages

   If Facebook ever starts showing how many times a person has visited someone's profile, a lot of people are going to have some explaining to do.

   I don't run away from my problems so much as I let them go on ahead without me.

   It really sucks when your in the middle of something and your batteries go dead.

   FOUND: IPod Touch 4G, 32GB, white. Must be able to match the naked pics I found in the photos.

   If I ever kick the bucket, can I get one of you to wipe out my computer and empty the top drawer next to my bed?

   My youngest turns 13 in a couple of weeks, which means I'll have three teenagers in the house. I can only assume that qualifies me for some sort of federal disaster relief funding.

   Consider the social cohesion and dignity of the Japanese people in the face of unimaginable catastrophe. Contrast that with the behavior of Americans when faced with Black Friday.

   "I gotta feeling... that tonight's gonna hurt the Black Eyed Peas"

   Sometimes, the problem is your underwear.

   in the worst pain I've ever been in!! Hit a dry spot on a Slip n' Slide.

   Typical Saturday Morning: Who's bed is this and where are my pants?

   currently in the planning stages for a hangover.

   I have a plan that will give us oil for hundreds of more years. Unfortunately, it hinges on the Earth being shaped like a tube of toothpaste.

   made an observation at the drug store today. There's an aisle that pretty much sums up the phases of life in products. Diapers, condoms, and adult diapers. From peeing in your pants, to lots of sex, then, back to peeing in your pants.

   Apparently riding the dog like it's a small horse is FROWNED UPON in this ESTABLISHMENT!

   Am I the only one that thinks it's creepy for women to call their men "Daddy"?

   Me: "What color hair does the tooth fairy have?" My son: "Red, because it is you. I don't believe in fairies." My other son: "Her hair is gray. She colors it." Maybe I should have taught them to believe in fairies.

   pretty sure I just ate a record setting amount of Rice Krispies!

   At lunch, and just ordered a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich to see which would come first.

   A highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK) is currently going around. If you come in contact with this WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center to take antidotes known