BAD GUY Funny Status Messages

   I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today ... that b*tch was seeing someone else.

   There is nothing wrong with saying no every once in awhile. It may piss a few people off but at least you will have some piece of mind!

   Oh, I saw your new boyfriend. So what happened to your standards?

   To hear many religious nuts talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.

   Shut up unless you want your next period to come out through your nose.

   Treating the whole world as if it works for you doesn't suggest you're special, it means you're an a$$.

   If you're a dude writing *hides* or *crying* on your messages, I am going to assume you are the kind that like it in the butt.

   For how long must I wait and toil in the FRIEND ZONE before she lets me hit it??

   Why do women even try to talk about football? Do you see guys in the kitchen discussing dishwashing strategies?

   Before having sex with a woman finger her and put it to her nose if she jumps back, kick that b*tch out.

   Great teamwork in a relationship is when a woman brings more than her looks to the table and a man brings more than a stiff d*ck.

   I wasn't that drunk. "Dude, you walked into Wal-Mart and when the voice came on the intercom, you dropped on to your knees and screamed, “GOD HAS SPOKEN”

   Life and Wife are two words that rhyme, but if you have one, you can't have the other!

   I wonder if Stevie Wonder knows he's black?

   Faithful and trust worthy partners are like a thong on a fat girl…so hard to find.

   Fat chicks never forget a drunken hook-up, because an elephant never forgets.

   If you were twice as smart, you'd still be the stupidest person I know!

   I wake up and people are asking me if I'm dead? Just because I'm 27 does not mean I'm going anywhere. (STILL-MUCH-ALIVE)