Wife came home from shopping, I asked her why she had to spend over £100 on makeup. She replied "It's so I can look pretty, why do you have to waste so much money on beer". I told her it was to make her look pretty. Had to sleep on the sofa that night.
- My mates were arguing over whether a glass was half empty or half full. So I took the glass and put the contents into a smaller glass. Problem f***ing solved...