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Maureen Funny Status Messages
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Whenever anyone asks me who I'm on the phone with I say...."Jake, from State Farm!"
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08-10-2012 09:25 by
Maureen
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As a responsible parent, I like to teach my kids that it's not the person you hate...it's their guts!
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08-08-2012 20:41 by
Maureen
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doesn't want to die, but if I have to, I hope to die in a way so spectacular they name a new piece of protective legislation after me.
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08-08-2012 20:33 by
Maureen
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swears if burn my mouth on ONE MORE PIECE OF PIZZA...I will probably continue to buy and eat pizza for the rest of my life.
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08-07-2012 21:29 by
Maureen
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Nothing ruins your Friday faster than realizing it's only Wednesday.
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08-01-2012 09:10 by
Maureen
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The downside of being tolerant is all the stuff you have to tolerate.
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07-31-2012 09:12 by
Maureen
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turns out I don't know the back of my hand as well as I thought I did.
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07-29-2012 15:28 by
Maureen
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Just so you know...weather conditions where simultaneously wearing shorts and Uggs is acceptable - NEVER EXIST!
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07-28-2012 12:37 by
Maureen
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will never be an Olympic athlete...but I did participate in a Toyotathon once!
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07-28-2012 11:45 by
Maureen
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Why has no one invented a device where I can move myself around from place to place while lying in a hammock? I remember when we used to make stuff in this lazy country!
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07-19-2012 19:28 by
Maureen
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so passed caring about how I dress any more. I just put on whatever makes me not naked and hope for the best
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07-18-2012 20:37 by
Maureen
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would like to go see Magic Mike, but only to explore the narrative, artistic, cultural, economic, and political implications of the film.
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07-09-2012 14:37 by
Maureen
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Woke up this morning swearing I could smell pancakes, but it seems I was just smellucinating.
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06-21-2012 15:37 by
Maureen
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living in a van down by the river!
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06-12-2012 21:34 by
Maureen
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has found my age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
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06-12-2012 21:32 by
Maureen
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Hitting the treadmill to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress.......
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06-11-2012 22:37 by
Maureen
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There are times I'll make up words and slip them into conversations just to see if anyone is actually protempifying to what I'm saying.
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04-26-2012 21:48 by
Maureen
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My favorite yoga pose is the one where I stand upright, watching the class through the window while eating a cheeseburger.
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04-26-2012 20:49 by
Maureen
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If you say “gullible” slow enough…it sounds like “orange”!
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04-19-2012 23:48 by
Maureen
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Dear Karma – I have a list of a few people you missed. Sincerely, Me
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04-19-2012 23:48 by
Maureen
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