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Lil-David Funny Status Messages
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I wish minimum wage went up as much as the price of postage stamps...
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12-26-2013 06:07 by
Lil-David
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I. really hate when Grandma gets me underwear for Christmas-they are always. " I Won't Get Caught Dead In Whitey-Tightys!"
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12-24-2013 14:43 by
Lil-David
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On Christmas my brothers and sisters come over with all their ADHD kids, they all really love my Amphetamine Apple Pie!
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12-24-2013 14:17 by
Lil-David
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I think premature male baldness should be the next race card..
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12-24-2013 07:35 by
Lil-David
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The way my kids freak out on Christmas morning, that's the way I feel right before I open my breakfast beer!
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12-24-2013 07:24 by
Lil-David
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I forget my password so often I made it incorrect that way when I'm wrong the computer reminds me...
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12-20-2013 04:22 by
Lil-David
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The Duck Dynasty guys need to to look in their beards, I'm sure there's a few ducks in them...
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12-19-2013 17:49 by
Lil-David
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In a couple year I'm going to be one of those senior citizens that bites and urinates on people, I already do one of them....
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12-18-2013 16:40 by
Lil-David
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The quickest way to a woman's heart, is through her rib cage.
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12-18-2013 01:53 by
Lil-David
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I post political status on Facebook just to watch my friends battle each other like it's The Crips Vs Bloods...
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12-16-2013 21:32 by
Lil-David
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I was in the middle of a selfie and my mother walked in, now all she can say is "don't worry son everyone's doing that."
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12-16-2013 10:07 by
Lil-David
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If websites had closing hours divorces, murder and pregnancy would double.
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12-15-2013 15:36 by
Lil-David
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My mom said were going on vacation somewhere in South Africa, she called it "Kanye West"
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12-15-2013 14:06 by
Lil-David
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My landlord is a very evil man, I'm going to call Kim Jong and tell him all about "My Uncle"
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12-15-2013 13:38 by
Lil-David
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Amazon is now offering Special Christmas Drone Deliveries to Pakistan!
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12-07-2013 14:57 by
Lil-David
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I have a cell phone a Ipad a laptop, stop sending me reminders to turn my clocks back...it's called automatic updates!
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10-31-2013 22:44 by
Lil-David
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I taught my neighbors kid how to trick or treat online, hopefully she puts her mothers credit card back!
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10-31-2013 21:55 by
Lil-David
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Tomorrow I'm going to the homeless shelter and getting me some 2013 St Louis Cardinals World Series Champions shirts for free..
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10-30-2013 22:15 by
Lil-David
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Obama needs my dope mans friend, brothers little cousin help to fix his Obamacare site, he's pretty f__king good, if you get him high...
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10-26-2013 09:04 by
Lil-David
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Today Facebook was down, so I had to actually talk to my people that didn't live in my computer... I haven't done that in a few years, hope I don't get sick!
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10-21-2013 15:00 by
Lil-David
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