Zinc Funny Status Messages

   Going through my friends list and deleting every 5th person because statistically speaking, they have an STD.

   if this toaster thinks setting 3 is "burn to a crisp and light on fire", I don't even want to know what setting 6 does.

   How much face would a facebook book if a facebook could book face?

   How can the world end in 2012, if I have a can of corn that expires in 2013?

   People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing all the time.

   Did I already post my Alzheimer update?

   My ex girlfriend had this really weird fetish... She liked to dress up as herself and act like a total bitch.

   They say revenge is a dish best served cold. But they also say revenge is sweet. I think they are trying to say revenge is ice cream.

   If I died and went to Hell, it would take me at least a week to figure out I wasn't at work anymore.

   Some DJ keeps calling my phone and leaving me mixed messages.

   I was in a bar the other night, moving from stool to stool trying to get lucky... but there wasn't gum under any of them."

   GOP budget to slash disease research? Now we'll NEVER find a cure for Bieber Fever!

   has an arbitrary number of problems, none of which involve a person of female gender.

   Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend.

   Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.

   Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 332 words.

   just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

   Say no to drugs. Although, if you're talking to drugs, it may be too late.

   thinks Google Maps needs an "Avoid Ghetto" option.

   can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it's freaking hilarious.