Jake Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon It's so cold out that I saw a dog frozen to a fire hydrant
←Rate | 01-02-2018 02:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the past few days my Doritos stock started to skyrocket. Thank you California.
←Rate | 01-04-2018 07:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old, that I stopped buying green bananas.
←Rate | 02-24-2018 23:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Buying Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, is like paying back for all the free Halloween candy I got when I was a kid.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:58 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you student loans for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
←Rate | 07-04-2018 19:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment. If you're attrative it's flirting.
←Rate | 07-15-2018 04:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silence is your best responce when talking to an idiot
←Rate | 04-23-2018 03:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kids don't remember the things you tell them untill it's something you shouldn't of said.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 16:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon 911: What's the emergency? Man: My wife keeps shining her laserlight pointer light on me. 911: How is that an emergency ? Man: Her laserlight pointer is attached to her gun.
←Rate | 09-12-2017 21:54 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 19:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see lover's names craved into a tree. I don't think it's cute. I just think it strange how many people take knives on a date.
←Rate | 02-14-2018 19:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After my doctor's exam. He gave me a 30 day supply of some pills. And said that I'll need to take them for the rest of my life. I said that's not so bad. He said yea it is, you won't need a refill prescription.
←Rate | 02-24-2018 22:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon So cold in D.C. today that the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon (insert random song lyrics that describe how I feel, even though nobody cares)
←Rate | 03-15-2010 11:26 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon A person who says that sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Has never been hit with a large dictionary.
←Rate | 09-03-2017 02:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:16 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
←Rate | 01-22-2010 07:35 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had 21 minutes of doggie style sex last night. That's 3 minutes in human time.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 21:14 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not saying that women walmart shoppers have bad teeth. But when the woman in line in front of me smiled. The barcode scanner rang up a set of sauce pans.
←Rate | 06-03-2018 23:42 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon The one good thing about an egotist. They don't talk about other people.
←Rate | 06-20-2018 23:12 by Jake Comments (0)  



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