Brades Funny Status Messages

   only updating my status because my legions of fans expect me to.

   Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Yankees players on them ...people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

   Beer goggles don't exist…you knew what she looked like, but also figured you could get away with it because of all the shots of tequila you'd had.

   thinks if your dog is wearing clothes, you're probably an a-hole.

   27 Championships. Too bad the Yankees can't also buy the respect of players, owners, and fans of MLB.

   If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved? America!

   says I've Got Nothing Against Mohammed or Allah...It's His Fan Club I Can't Stand

   It's not warm in the car; you're rolling down the window because you farted.

   Vegans are secretly just anorexics trying to disguise it under a hippy guise of nutrition and compassion.

   What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

   Announcing that your parents used to be cool hippies who went to Woodstock is probably not only a lie, but it also does not change the fact that they have a loser for a child.

   “Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”

   You have never and will never start a trend. Stop claiming that things were your idea.