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I play hopscotch all the time! I also play hopvodka, hoprum, and hoptequila. 
If there's anything I teach my daughter it will be to not ignore the nerds. Those people grow up to be sexy!
I love make up sex. Especially with Katy Perry. I make up sex with her all the time.
To really intrigue, women must be capable of revenge and cruelty — toward others or themselves.
If someone doesn't appreciate your presence, make them appreciate your absence.
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
When I was her age I was riding a bicycle, not d!ck.
1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother George. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's George.
Tim Tebow's Easter sermon ended abruptly when he was replaced by Peyton Manning halfway through it.
What's the difference between Penn State and the State Penn??? Sandusky will be catching not pitching!
I hate when I see the skinniest people at the gym, Why are you there, YOU WON ALREADY!
Are the people that leave their Christmas lights on the house and just turn them on in December smart or just plain lazy??
thank you for the thousands and thousands of reminders letting me know what today is. Good job Thanks!! Keep me posted!
Dreaming of the person you want to be is wasting the person you already are.
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Sex is like air... it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. Thank you and good night, drive safely, I'll be here all week.
"Follow your heart" is the biggest bunch of bullsh*t Ive ever heard!!!
saw an amazing looking girl the other day wearing a T-Shirt that said 'Fight Poverty'. So to impress her, I ran over and punched a tramp.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? el-if-i-no 