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I get my energy from my inner G dawg. Just kidding I'm white. 
Why do you LIKE your own status on facebook ? that's like texting yourself a question and replying back to yourself with your own answer
You don't celebrate 420 if you get high everyday... That's like singing Happy Birthday to yourself everyday
The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
I was going to collect homeless people, but they lose a lot of their value as soon as you take them out of their cardboard boxes.
Honestly, I would prefer to look back at my life and say, "I can't believe I did that!" Than instead of saying, "I wish I did that..."
Heres your social security card. Its paper & has to last you forever. Dont laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
J-Lo's Checklist: ✓Sean Combs ✓Cris Judd ✓Ben Affleck ✓Marc Anthony __Simon Fuller __Randy Jackson __Steven Tyler __Flavor Flav
I went to a "family style" restaurant, they yelled at me the whole time.
would you lke a tampon with that status you moody b*tch
so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn't think it would go THIS far..... sorry
watching Benjamin Button for the hundredth time. Never gets old.
A man asks a woman, "Can I buy you a drink?" She replies, "I don't drink, it's bad for my legs." He asks, "Do they swell?" Her reply: "No, they spread."
When a cop shoots a thug everyone blames the person. When a kid shoots a school, everyone blames the gun...
Like a Kamikaze pilot, I stay fly till I die.
having one of those days where I just want to light somebody's face on fire and try putting it out with a fork!
a friend will calm you down when you're angry, but a best friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing "someone's gonna get it!"
I might not have all the best things in life, but I always make the best of the things I do have.
wishes the planet Pluto was still considered a planet. Happy birthday Pluto (Feb 18, 1930-Aug 24, 2006)
I went to buy a pair of camouflage pants, I couldn't find any! 