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I always text 'lol' but rarely do I actually "laugh out loud". I'm such a liar. 
Please hold while I put on my "Gosh I really care" face.
So here I am,at the hospital,in the O.R,with scaple in hand,wishing I hadn't lied on my resume about being a surgen...well here goes nothing!
When I see a woman post consistantly that "All men suck!", I reply with either "Perhaps the problem lies with you." Or "Tell us again who makes the choice to date these a$$holes?"
when everything seems overwhelming, I just reassure myself that I will die someday....
I need to either get a new air conditioner or move into my refrigerator.
Day by day, nothing really changes. Yet when you look back, everything seems different.
Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.
My teacher always is talking to her imaginary friend named "Class".
What a day, I'm so tired already! I sent three faxes, answered the phone once, had lunch, made a paper airplane and sent 452 updates.
Why doesn't facebook just change the Poke to what it really means. "Bend over, I'll drive."
The rest of the world uses Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. I just learned some girl I hated in high school likes her new pedicure.
I just seen someone dressed as the Statue of Liberty running down the road being chased by a Rottweiler..... Today is off to a great start!!!
Don't waste your time on someone who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
America: Where children are on leashes and pit bulls roam the streets
How do you beat a country that will change it's liquor laws to allow bars to open so people can gather and watch gold medal games??? YOU DON'T!!!
I hate when girls say, "you probably say that to every girl." don't you use the same resume when applying to different jobs?
Be thankful your GPS doesn't get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
Mothers: Please don't tell your little girls "He's only mean because he likes you" and then wonder why they grow up and marry A-holes. 