Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Tebow is white, plays against Miami, loved by fans, and only plays well in the 4th quarter - he's the anti-LeBron 
Bin Laden, Gadaffi, Saddam, and Maliki are part of the occupy Hell movement.
With Lindsay Lohan doubling duty between a Playboy shoot and working at the L.A. county morgue, it should be interesting to see what she wears for Halloween...I haven't spotted any zombie, prison striped, part time lesbian, boozing, kleptomaniac, playboy
currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
The next relationship I get into, I will be buying a bottle of shampoo that some day...for they will both be in a secret competition to see which will last longer...
My bucket list is just a list of things I want to eat a bucket of....
I'm really attracted to how unavailable you are.
The imaginary enemy of my enemy is my imaginary friend.
I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making a healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
So my neighbor comes over last night and has the nerve to tell me to turn my music down.......So I says "What the heck are you even doing up at 2:00 am in the first place?!"
Dear FCC, We already know whats being shown and said behind those blurs and black rectangles. Sincerely Everybody
Dear mom, if you are reading this right now. I;m in the bathroom and we are out of toilet paper. Please Help!!
This girl I'm going out with tonight must be rich because she has one of those expensive cars that she can start just by blowing into a tube.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?
If you're a polygamist married to several women and dont have a wedding ring that says, "One ring to rule them all." You're just wasting everybody's time.
The brawl at the Mall of America says more about our country than any five history books ever could.
I toss and turn until 5 minutes before the alarm, then I drift peacefully off to sl--*beep*beep*beep*beep*!
I know my dream woman is out there.. and that her boring friend is the one into me..
Dear Google: We're not dating, so stop trying to finish my sentences. Sincerely, not searching for "Why can't midgets shave"
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner. 