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Even in the Olympics, women's basketball is unwatchable. 
No special plans tonight, but I'm thinking about throwing rocks at a foreign embassy and then grilling some burgers. Hit me up if you wanna join? My mom is coming too....
Bacon shortage? Can't we just sacrifice Rosie Odonnell and fix it?
Oh man, I almost forgot about The Alamo.
Its That time of the year to start wearing my Christmas outfit. Its all black, I have less chances of being seen when I am out at night rearranging peoples yard deer in to sex poses. I just feel Christmas needs more Ninjas!
Girls just wanna have funds
Wow, New Orleans sure is black!
If you preach hatred to your children,you can expect never ending bloodshed.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history :)
i know this is gonna be misinterpreted, but I've been sitting on hard wood for an hour, and my ass is killing me!
It's amazing how quickly I can convince myself that I didn't need to do today the things I needed to do today.
Ladies...if the wind blows, and you hear a whistle...the 'gap' is no longer sexy, and you might want to consider different pants...
A broken heart just hurts as much in a male chest as it does in a female chest.
No one ever is as good looking as his/her profile pic, and as ugly as his/her driving license.
Couldn't afford the penile enlargement but got a great deal on hand reduction!
"Right." - Fred
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my tree house
eating alphabet soup and my spoon spells 'HOT'. Not sure if I should take that as a warning or a compliment.
OK, I'm going to admit it. Its been bugging me for about 10 years now and I need to get it off my chest. I let the dogs out.
Time heals everything... except a stupid tattoo. 