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Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary. 
I was born in the 70's.......which means the Doctor probably needed to use a weed whacker to get me out!
successfully licked one of his elbows!
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression. Its called trycoxagain
getting a grip on reality..and choking it to death
statusless.
Why is a school zone speed limit 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles.
Was going to complain about the people downstairs having loud s*x, but they finished before I could type this status, I think premature ejaculation is probably punishment enough
If you don't wake up, eat & then go back to sleep, you're doing Sunday wrong.
Dear neighbors, If you hear a lot of screaming and cussing please do not worry and/or call the police. I am cleaning out my garage and have Arachnophobia
What did the slut's left leg say to the slut's right leg? "Nothing" They've never met.
I saw a sign that said "Deaf Children Drive Carefully". I didn't know they drove at all.
People who are meant to be together always find their way in the end.
Just read that a canadian granny spent her 82nd birthday bungee jumping She landed safely ...where her breasts were already waiting for her.
Top Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"
Money talks, and unfortunately mine only can say "goodbye!"
Monogamy and mahogany are both rare types of long-lasting wood.
I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine!
When the hell did I get drunk and married to Google? I can barely get a word out now before it tries to finish my sentence...
I love Swamp people...."choot em, hurry choot em" 