lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   ..time is precious so be careful who you waste it on.

   My mate is having a birthday soon. He doesn't drink,smoke or cheat on his girlfriend. I dont know how the hell we're going to celebrate it!

   DNS FAILURE: Facebook is down which means 9 months from today, many children will be born.

   There's nothing like a visit from an out of town friend to point out how little I actually know about the city I live in.

   If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.

   The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.

   There was a near tragedy at my local shopping centre recently. A power cut left four blondes stranded on an escalator for almost five hours.

   Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in awhile,nine out of ten people would have nothing to talk about.

   I got my gf a bag and a belt for her birthday. She wasn't happy, but the hoover works fine now

   Love may not make the world spin around but it certainly makes alot of people dizzy.

   I like to go up to people playing Solitaire and ask "Who's winning?"

   I'm looking forward to seeing my life flash before my eyes when I die. If only to know what I did in the 90s.

   Escalators never break down, they just turn into stairs

   Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because those that can run,jump and swim are already in the U.S.

   Recently, my Visa card was stolen. Now, it's 'everywhere I want to be'.

   I hate it when I run out of Staples. And so do their security guards.

   Whoever said talk is cheap hasn't seen my phone bill.

   If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

   Cheer up Prince Charles! They only vandalised your car with a bit of white paint. It's not like they deliberately chased your car into a tunnel during the night and murdered you.

   Woke up this morning, looked down and one of my toes was missing, There was a note stuck to my foot that said 'Gone To Market'