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Some people say I'm random. But who cares, chocolate is amazing. 
So Paula Deen has come out and said she has diabetes. All I need now is the Man vs. Food guy to have an acute myocardial infarction and the bizarre food guy to die of food poisoning and I win my “professional eating disorders” trifecta wager.
In porn, large breasted women home alone order a LOT of pizza and never have money. They've lots to learn about nutrition & cash management.
You'll never be the man your mother is.
My parents would not let me watch any violent movies. Instead we played board games with questions like "Who murdered this guy with a candlestick?"
Anytime someone scrolls all the way to your first Facebook photo, you should get a notification. Or it should go straight to the police.
There's no masculine way to eat a lollipop.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous, but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown they’re all screaming.
It's a contest to see which one can can outnumber the other: Covid variants or Rocky films.
I went to visit my grandpa in the home and I asked him, Grandpa , do you know who I am.. He said NO , but if you go to the desk , they'll tell you .
Your quarantine name is your first name followed by your last name.
Arguing on social media never changes anyones minds. Change my mind
Those three magical words: “Where’s the plunger?”
Her: Men just want one thing and its disgusting. me- Then you need to wash it!
Do bone spurs keep someone out of jail? I'm asking for a friend.
I called the cops on my own Super Bowl party so everyone would leave.
When an object is not symmetrical, it is called asymmetrical. When an organism doesn't use sex to reproduce, it is classified as asexual. So therefore, my conclusion is if a person doesn't have a soul, they are an asoul.
The main difference between a nudist and a streaker is speed.
Serena Williams said she'd rather lose than cheat while her coach admitted to cheating....
I’m not a violent person, but I’d happily throat punch the person that decided baby clothes needed a minimum of 20 buttons. 