Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 186 of 5577

   messageicon Cool Fact:Fred Flintstone was the first ever man to become a vitamin
←Rate | 12-20-2019 11:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend asked me when I last had s ex with someone that wasn't her. I said.... "back in '06". It sounds much better than "June"
←Rate | 07-20-2016 23:26 by jcow1den Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every boss there are employees wondering if going to prison for felony assault would really be all that bad...
←Rate | 08-02-2016 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grew up in the south so for me a fancy restaurant was a place that offered you the choice of biscuit or cornbread.
←Rate | 08-11-2016 05:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And when I die, this will all be yours...... *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags
←Rate | 08-17-2016 23:29 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm 100% convinced that for every sock that is lost in the dryer one comes back as an extra Tupperware lid
←Rate | 09-01-2016 01:32 by Kewlgreg Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q-Tips. The only product that warns you against its only use.
←Rate | 09-09-2016 15:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon come on folks.... bring on the funnies
←Rate | 10-13-2016 16:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Erectile Dysfunction" is such a harsh term. Why not just call it "Sleepy Peepee?"
←Rate | 10-15-2016 05:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Supermoon was OK... But according to Rotten Tomatoes, still way better than Supermoon v Batmoon.
←Rate | 11-14-2016 20:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if Ghosts try to kill you only because they want you as a friend? You ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.
←Rate | 11-26-2016 03:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll be home for Christmas.....and in therapy by New Years.
←Rate | 12-08-2016 09:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Things Irish people simply won't do on St. Patrick's Day: 1) Drink green beer. 2) Twerk with leprechauns. 3) Spend $40 on dollar store stuff.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 04:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, she owes me money.
←Rate | 09-15-2010 15:39 by TD Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds, but then I got a Facebook Account and now I'm over it.
←Rate | 07-17-2012 22:07 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook needs a "I'll Drink To That" button.
←Rate | 02-06-2016 01:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bat : $300. Killer Sunglasses: $200. Batting Gloves: $30. Getting called out on strikes in slow pitch softball: PRICELESS.
←Rate | 04-29-2016 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Been reading up on the 
thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
←Rate | 05-02-2016 06:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I refuse to accept your labels like "immature" & "irresponsible" & "don't drink while taking this medication".
←Rate | 05-03-2016 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
←Rate | 05-06-2016 05:15 Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left