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Raise the age to buy guns? What this country really needs to do is raise the age of puberty.
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02-27-2019 07:50
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I wish my car's back-up camera had a "Save" button, because some of the expressions on their faces.
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05-05-2019 12:58
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I confused the words “tinker” and “tinkle” and my neighbor no longer wants help with her computer.
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05-05-2019 13:04
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It bothers me that someone may steal my identity and use it to make thousands of dollars behind my back. It mostly bothers me because I currently have my identity and can't figure out how to do that..
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05-07-2019 06:43
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I didn't mean to like your selfie I was just trying to get dried salsa off my phone.
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08-19-2019 13:16
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If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan
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09-06-2019 12:35
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Makeup can make you look pretty on the outside, but it won't help if you're ugly on the inside. Unless you eat the makeup...
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09-26-2019 05:04
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Manager: Why do you want to work at Comcast? Applicant: I'll get you an answer in about a week. Manager: Brilliant! You're hired.
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09-26-2019 13:43
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Gorilla Glue works best if you want your fingers stuck to whatever’s broken but you don’t actually want to fix it.
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09-26-2019 13:45
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Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag.
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09-26-2019 13:46
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Before Facebook I had to disappoint people in person
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09-26-2019 15:28
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Been working out. Pretty sure I can beat up half the kids from "Stranger Things" now.
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09-26-2019 15:30
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Cool Fact:Fred Flintstone was the first ever man to become a vitamin
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12-20-2019 11:13
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So proud of myself for being healthy & buying vegetables that are just gonna sit at the bottom of my fridge until they go bad.
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04-17-2018 13:16
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"I stubbed my toe today. I'm not ready to share photos yet but I will keep you guys updated daily." - probably Carrie Underwood
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04-23-2018 01:03
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It’s hard to keep loving someone who constantly calls the cops and keeps changing her number but here I am.
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05-06-2018 01:35
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You know you've reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
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05-19-2018 08:18
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Thanks to whoever made electrical outlets look like tiny screaming faces trapped inside my walls I can't make eye contact.
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05-22-2018 07:56 by
@jasonlastname
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Not trying to brag but I haven’t been around people in days
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05-28-2018 23:26 by
Kisstopher707
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I listen to all of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. That one makes absolutely no sense to me.
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06-07-2018 07:06
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