KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   The only thing worse than the “FRIEND ZONE” is the "SHE-THINKS-YOU-ARE GAY-ZONE".

   Please don't do your soul searching at the bar, some of us are trying to enjoy our whisky here.

   While you're busy staring at your phone flirting, your bored and neglected spouse is probably out doing someone else for real.

   I'm black but not "ain't nobody got time for that" black.

   Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.

   A horse walks into a bar. A chicken crosses the road. A lot of animals do things. It is not our place to judge.

   Ever just apologize for no reason whatsoever? No? It must be nice being single.

   Excuse me guys, help here. What does it mean if the husband of a woman you have been flirting with on Facebook sends you a friend request? Am I in trouble? Should I be worried?

   If I were a Caveman I would have masturbated in front of a T-Rex just to make him jealous!

   Don't be pushed around by your problems; be led by your courage.

   When a woman says "I can't get laid" we all know she's just being damn picky.

   I miss being late for work because of morning sex. Now, it's because I dress my cat as Gandolph.

   People hate the truth. Luckily, the truth doesn't care.

   Whoever '' Shawty'' is , she apparently has alot of rapper boyfriends.

   I can’t control you're being an idiot, but I can control whether or not you’re on my friends list.

   A burp is just a fart that took the elevator.

   If it was up to me, Pregnancy test would only have 2 cool results; PINK - You are screwed & BLUE - Keep on screwing.

   A friend got mugged coming out of K-Mart and is devastated. I feel the same way because I had no idea I knew people that shopped there.

   She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically.

   Its my birthday today and I am feeling so special even the supermarket doors are opening by themselves when they see me coming through.