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I'm pretty sure the only thing guys learned from the game Hungry, Hungry Hippos is that if you slap it on the ass, it will eat your balls..... 
Congrats to all the Third world children who will be getting their 2012 Ravens Super Bowl ,and AFC championship sweatshirts and hats next week.
proud of himself. He just finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years!
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
My wife: you wanna watch Glee? Me: you know, I'd love to but I was gonna drink battery acid and teabag a poison ivy bush..
next time I see a place that says no shirt no shoes no service I'm gunna walk in without pants
Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.
I hate when I don't think of the good stuff to say till after the argument is over
You're like a drug to me, not only am I hooked on you but you're also ruining my life...
I'm your friend, and that's why I think I should tell you that your hair, in your new profile pic, says sexual predator all over it…
You know what's amazing? "how I met your mother"
One tub of crisco... One body pillow... One box of condoms... One cashier... One wink... One awkward moment.
Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off
It's so hot outside I attended a Hillary Clinton rally just to be next to something shady.
How soon can we start building a wall around California?
That felon whose mugshot has women swooning over him is proof enough that women are crazy and perverts too.
No relationship is perfect so you might as well pick the perfect person you want to go through hell with
*Pizza Hut job interview* "Do you own a sh*tty car and smoke pot?" No sir. "You will."
I'm not the sort of person you want to put on speakerphone.
They should wait until tomorrow morning to announce the verdict so everyone in Ferguson will be at work. Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! 