Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   An Eskimo in the North Pole was arrested on suspicion of murder. Police want to know what he was doing on the night between September and March.

   .. lost my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about this.

   Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

   What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails? Single!

   That runaway oil well in the Gulf of Mexico continues to gush about 200,000 gallons of oil a day. To put that into perspective: That's the equivalent of about ten buckets of K.F.C.

   It may look like i'm doing nothing but at the cellular level i'm actually quite busy.

   I was at a cash machine when an old lady walked up and asked me to help her check her balance. So I pushed her over.

   You're my nothing. Why? Because nothing lasts forever.

   Ad on the internet : The Braile superstore - Thousands of Braile products, many of which you've never seen before.

   I gave Mr. Potato Head some weed.Before I knew it,he was baked.

   Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

   Imagine how much fun women in burkas must have tagging each other on Facebook.

   We were without phone, TV and internet access for a few hours today. It was terrifying because I almost got some work done.

   A cop stopped me and asked "Your eyes look red,ma'am. Have you been smoking pot?" I replied "No sir. But your eyes looked glazed. Have you been eating donuts?"

   Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

   A dress is like a barbed wire fence. It protects the premises without obstructing the view.

   Attention Please: Christmas has been canceled. Apparently when you told Santa you've been good this year, he died laughing.

   I'm not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows

   Sign in Bar: "Low-cut blouses are looked down upon in this establishment."

   Mother rabbit to baby bunny: "A magician pulled you out of a hat. Now stop asking questions."