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Happy Single's Discrimination Day #NotMyValentinesDay 
If psychics and palm readers knew anything they'd have hand washing stations.
My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of coffee.
If you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll do it.
State Farm is hoping no one will notice when they replace Aaron Rodgers with a black guy.
a free button called Block/Unfriend and Delete.... trust me those things can work miracles when it comes to dealing with drama on Fb
If I were taller, I'd be the perfect weight. By taller, I mean 8' 11"
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
Yes. You're Wrong: A guide for men preparing for marriage.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger… at least one of them anyway.
I call my bedroom ‘the place where the magic happens’ because it’s where I make my self-respect disappear.
Wife giving you the silent treatment? Just tighten all the jar lids. That way she'll HAVE to talk to you.
I finally received my W2 from Facebook
[job interview] "So what are your goals for working here?" To be home by noon...
Dear women, he does not want a watch for his Birthday. He wants you to dress like a hooker, handcuff him to a chair and have the kind of sex with him that would definitely upset churchgoing people.
College kids please choose a career in something you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because that dream job isn't hiring....
I'd donate to a GoFundMe page dedicated to stopping people from asking me to donate to their GoFundMe page.
Calling someone “stupid” is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it’s just a diagnosis.
Fast food workers that want a tip confuse me, if you want a tip, be a server, not a flipper. 