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   messageicon I’ve just been wearing a towel for 5 days so everyone thinks I showered.
←Rate | 07-15-2020 08:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a world where you can do anything, do it over there.
←Rate | 11-12-2018 10:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And remember kids...it's on Facebook so it must be true!
←Rate | 11-13-2018 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you tell someone you love them without them making it weird that you're under their bed
←Rate | 11-14-2018 11:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wild Turkey on the rocks helps to cope with your relatives on Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-20-2018 15:38 by Pilgrim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do people still say Okie Dokie or is it just me?? 🤔🤔🤔
←Rate | 12-05-2018 05:35 Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Wow, this robo-call is really interesting. I'm going to listen to the whole thing!" said no one ever.
←Rate | 12-06-2018 11:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!
←Rate | 12-15-2018 08:46 by vaterpop Comments (0)  


   messageicon "So this is Christmas, and what have you done?" The start of a John Lennon song, or the wife about to start an argument?
←Rate | 12-14-2018 13:31 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I'm a gift!!
←Rate | 12-15-2018 00:42 by Stevielea Comments (0)  


   messageicon After the 7th day of January. Please keep your "Happy New Year" messages to yourself. We probably, have already cried, been depressed, been angry at someone, eaten leftover food more than once and paid an unexpected bill. It's no longer new or happy.
←Rate | 01-06-2019 05:52 Comments (2)  


   messageicon So...Laveon Bell turned down $70M from the Steelers, sat out a year w/o pay and signed with the Jets for $50M. No wonder those guys always go broke...
←Rate | 03-15-2019 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I die after I pay rent I need y’all to sit my body up on my couch until the 31st of that month. I want my monies worth
←Rate | 08-08-2019 06:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If they give you a bib for lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Taco Bell food.
←Rate | 09-24-2019 15:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Social media is one of the best things to ever happen to stupidity.
←Rate | 09-25-2019 16:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the phone camera arms race really overestimates the degree to which I want to see my own face in high definition
←Rate | 09-26-2019 05:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, "My money's on the one with the knife." You should have seen how fast they both ran off.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 13:54 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I'm saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
←Rate | 12-16-2012 22:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Captain America ever borrows money from Captain China
←Rate | 02-23-2012 16:14 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't make any new resolutions this year because I'm still working on the ones from 2007.
←Rate | 01-02-2011 17:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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