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If young girls ruled the world there would be no wars. They would be too busy obsessing about Twilight and Justin beiber to do anything violent. 
I've forgotten how to "hang out" with people if alcohol isn't involved.
Creaking floorboards have been known to ruin the plans of thousands of teenagers.
Pregnancy Test: The magic wand that can make a man disappear.
*teacher textes student* "dear student, I know you're texting. no one would be looking a their crotch and smiling"
thinks that anytime a conversation goes silent, you can always start it back up by slapping someones forehead and saying, "Shoulda had a V8".
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
Say what you want about drunk people, but at least they've had all their shots.
I woke up last Friday to find a letter from West Africa in my e-mail. Saturday morning, there was one from Nigeria and today, there was one from Jamacia. I have the feeling I am being black mailed....
Employees caught speaking Spanish will be paid in Pesos.
thinking Robin Hood was a Democrat.
I didn't trip, I just attacked the floor with my mad ninja skills.
When a girl tells you you're not getting any, before you ask, before you even try, you're getting some
Being single doesn't mean your weak, it means you're strong enough to wait for what YOU deserve.
I've changed the lock on my heart.. So stick the old key up your ass.
keep your issues in your tissue box, and learn how to keep them out of your status box..
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
There's only 2 addresses I ever remember, my own house, and P Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.
The girlfriend gets the wallposts, the hoes get the inbox.
if I get sexted by somebody I don't want to sext, does that mean I got molexted? 