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I said "Just gimme the usual" to the waitress at a restaurant I've never been to. And now I wait... 
Funny how intolerant all these tolerant people are...
Fighting online is so stupid .... I mean .... What are you gonna do? ..... Busta CAPS LOCK on me?
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Hey gurl, are you a public school? Cuz I wanna shoot a bunch of little kids inside you.
Sorry guys, no New Years party this year. Last year I got arrested for punching a guy in the face. When you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick in.
wishes the Live Feed and News Feed would make up and get back together.
BREAKING NEWS: Cheese factory explodes---nothing left but de Brie
They're gearing us up for a race war. Don't play into it, Americans....
VOTE FOR PEDRO
Didn't have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books and showered.
used to sing like Justin Bieber...then I turned 4!!
1st: Chris Brown hits her 2nd: Eminem lies to her and 3rd: Drake cant remember her name. What a life Rihanna has
How are you gonna dress like a ho, talk like a ho, walk like a ho, act like a ho, and then get mad when you are approached like a ho, addressed like a ho and treated like a ho? Silly ho.
Im dressing as an endangered species for Halloween...a US worker
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
F*CK You ↑ You ↖ You ↗ You ↙ You → You ↓ You ↩ You ↪ You ↬ You ↫ You ↪ You ↩ You ↲ You ↯ You ↱ You ↰ You ↷ You ↳ You ↶ You ↴ You ↵ And You ↺
If you think that a few Latin words over your pancakes is going to turn them into the body of Elvis Presley, you have lost your mind. But if you think more or less the same thing about a cracker and the body of Jesus, you are just a Catholic
Women are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like Open bars... I could really use a drink right now... 