Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Does anyone know where I can get more Lite Brite pegs?... I'm trying to finish my will. 
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
Fun party hosting tip: Put dozens of extra coats on the bed. When guests ask where everyone else is, laugh maniacally & change the subject.
You carry yourself like someone with a much higher credit rating.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
It's funny how "You're so funny" turns into "You think everything's a joke" in just 3 months...
Just a reminder that no Canadian team has won the Stanley Cup since they force Nickleback on the world.
Does the name “Quasimodo” ring a bell?
Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
If LaBron is really serious about winning he would sign with the Harlem Globetrotters
I have a beard and tattoos why are you still wearing panties? Yes, I want fries. No, I don't want a receipt. Stop changing the subject.
Just shot three vampires and a zombie. You're welcome.
Your story doesn't add up, so feel free to stop lying.
There are times that I think that her lazy eye is just playing hard to get.
Please hurry up with your story.. That I care absolutely nothing about... I'm afraid if I keep this fake smile on my face any longer, its guna get stuck this way.
It's that time of year again when our thoughts should turn to those less well off in our towns and cities, so remember to lock your doors and windows...
The bra section. The only place in the world where you fail if you get an A.
Global warming sucks but I'm kind of looking forward to riding a jet ski to work every day.
would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids.
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! - Rocky Balboa 