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Okay, I've had it with real life, give me my fairy godmother, my prince, and my happily ever after endings. 
Beware of people who tell you to "get a life". They may want the one you already have.
Before Snoop Dogg had his "foshizzle", Willy Wonka had his "Scrumdiddlyumptious" bar!
It took civilization thousands of years to get us off the farm, and Facebook just one year to send people back.
Did you know? When you say 'beer can" in a British accent you're also saying "bacon" in a jamaican accent.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Sometimes I like to pretend I'm a Jedi Master and use the force to open automatic doors like at walmart.
I need some transition time from the weekend... can we drink during lunch breaks this week to get back to normal?
starting his spring cleaning tonight...so if you have 1 less friend in the morning, you'll know why!!!!
not spoiled...... I deserve all my stuff.
always beats Edward Scissorhands in rock-paper-scissors.
Go Go Gadget status!
Acting as if today is Saturday. Going to work unshaved, no shower, in shorts and a T, full cooler of beer as my brief case, and the attitude of "don't bother me, it's Saturday".
inbox(1).... awesome feeling
having one of those days where I wanna set someones face on fire and try putting it out wit a fork
I flip that middle finger and that index finger follows. Deuces!
If everyday is a gift then today's gift is a box of straws cuz it sucks.
Next halloween I'm gonna dress as a shrub and randomly sit in peoples front yards
Sarcasm is a dish best served instantly.
More than 72% of women lose their virginity while riding a bike on a bumpy road. 