KISSTOPHER Funny Status Messages

   Do it today. it might be illegal tomorrow.

   A pregnant prostitute went to a doctor and he asked, “Do you know who the father is?” She replied, “Well, if you ate a can of baked beans, do you know which one made you fart?”

   What if you just started licking the dentist fingers while they were in your mouth.

   I love myself but I'm not "post pictures of myself everyday on my Facebook wall" love myself.

   Dear Men. When a woman says she doesn't want to talk about it, you'd better shut up, grab a chair and get ready to listen…for hours.

   I'm too sexy for my ex.

   You seem insecure. Let's go out for drinks.

   Every woman has that ONE guy she will never lose feelings for, even if she gets married to another.

   If I ever go missing, put my picture on a bourbon bottle; no one I know drinks milk.

   That rather uneasy moment when you are walking with your girl and you see a lesbian with a chick hotter than yours.

   I am never shocked or surprised when someone I trust and love backstabs or betrays me. Even the Devil was once an angel. Even Judas was once a loyal disciple.

   If you actually believe in this Doomsday & Rapture nonsense...Please gracefully delete yourself from my friend's list...Coz I am allergic to retards and idiots.

   Oh, you like camping? I like drinking outside too.

   I swear one day I'm going to wake up with my phone shoved up my ass and divorce papers scattered around me.

   If you're happy and you know it.......you're probably single.

   Writing your girl a love poem is a little less special when she helps you spell some of the words.

   I'm sorry I slapped you but you didn't seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.

   If you're not into casual sex, I can put on a bow tie and we'll call it formal sex.

   Just once I would like to be summoned by a king, or a wizard, instead of the courts.

   I makes me sad to think that drug dealers know better math than I do.