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Just thought I'd point out that if you're going around to different friends houses to make "Social Distancing" videos with you're missing the point. 
At this point I only practice good personal hygiene based on how I would want my body to be found
Married people be like: [Quarantine, day 10] It’s been 89 days since I last had sex
Meat Loaf, Korn, Limp Bizkit, The Cranberries and the Smashing Pumpkins should go on a Thanksgiving Dinner Tour.
I'm pretending. That way, when it comes time to tend, I'll be ready.
On the bright side,
All the rioters are wearing mask.
My dad would be so mad if he knew how loud my tv is right now.
Just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill – tomorrow I think I’ll actually turn it on!
Deep thoughts by Johnny Quarantine. Minnesota votes to disband police department and go with a community-based public safety program. I’m assuming this community-based public safety program will be comprised of police officers who recently lost their jo
Me: *writhing sexily* So, you hot and bothered yet? Wife: I’m definitely bothered
So I recently learned that that plastic thing you pull off the top of the Pringles can can be put back on so it’s like you never opened it. Still not sure why you would need this though.
Municipal Government: Try to stay home Provincial Government: Try to stay home Federal Government: Try to stay home My boss: See you tomorrow
Buffalo Wild Wings: Did you order ahead? Me: No it was just wings.
Not saying I have the biggest nose in the world but my mask is a D cup
Only 364 more days until Halloween!! I know, I know. I can't wait either.
Bad Politicians are elected by Good People who DON'T VOTE!
I have friends I would take a bullet for and friends I'm reserving a bullet for.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
My favorite part of Zumba is mortgaging my house to pay the chiropractor.
People always slam elevator music and that's very hurtful to those of us who have spent years learning to play the elevator. 