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I think "Fo Shizzle!" should be an answer on The Magic 8-Ball. 
Gee! that lady from Operation Repo gets bigger with each repo :O
Getting married is similar to going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Just because you're corny in real life, doesn't mean you have to be corny on faceboook... It's your second chance!
I wouldn't mind public transportation if it wasn't for the public.
thinks people find me annoying but are too polite to say so, and I find that ...annoying.
Love has its own time, its own season, its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coax it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you...
abstinance makes the church grow fondlers
feels it's "BEER O'CLOCK"
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you're laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
What happens when you autotune Stephen Hawking?
Air Freshener: Because there's no louder way of telling the whole house you've just taken a sh*t...
How do I get my husband to clean? I tell him I might be bringing home a girl for a threesome.
There's always that one person you regret giving your number to.
Dont study me,,,,you wont graduate!!
The gentleman in me says, "Let it go." But the animal in me says, "Sh*t in her shoes."
"Sleeping on the couch" should be a relationship status on Facebook!
FYI: Captain Hook ran his entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Why do people say ''I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes? 