Jitney Funny Status Messages

   tried to kill a spider by drowning it, but it looked at me and asked, "Where's the soap?"

   you can learn alot from health Channel news. Just found out teens are now smoking nutmeg spice, potpouri, and incense as a subtitute for weed. Wondering if there's a business opportunity here....

   Someone tell Doctor Ruth, pass the me the beer and alcohol!

   Dr. Ruth, the world renowned sex doctor says, dont focus on the sagging, or the belly fat, or the wobbly neck, focus on the sensation after the age of 50.

   Today at work the Boss asks me to start my presentation with a joke, On the 1st slide was a copy of my paycheck!!

   Kayne West....made a song about Gold Diggers and now wants to marry Kim kardashian

   Spiderman isnt the only one that gets sticky hands after using the Web all day...... If you know what I mean ;)

   I hate when I'm at a restaurant, and they ask me, "Would you like a table?" , "No not all all, I came here to eat on the floor B!@tch!!!"....."Carpet for 3 Please!

   Finally got a kiss at my favorite spot......Thanks Herseys!

   I hate it when the cashier asks me a stupid question like. "Are you buying all of these?", "No B!@tch!!, I'm stealing, just wanted to show you first!"

   Who else proofread something after they posted? Oh so I'm the only one......

   You ever posted something and before you can even proofread it there's like 50 million likes?

   Danggggit! Lets just put Louisana on Craiglist! Maybe the French can buy it back.

   Im on my FACEBREAK!!!! - definition - a week break from FACEBOOK

   I was going to pirate and record the Expendables 2, movie, but I fear Chhhhhuuuccckkk Norrrris was there

   Government: Trickling Poverty up, so every one is Equal today......

   Since I'm sleeping on the couch, Switced my wife's alka seltzer water with red bull and 2 laxative pills!!! Her shittz going to fly!

   Since I'm sleeping on the couch, Switced my wife's alka seltzer water with red bull and 2 laxative pills, Since I'm sleeping on the couch !!!

   How come i'm your best friend all of a sudden when you need money? but you dont remember when I needed a ride?

   If only they had and Olympic event for Facebook, my FB friend would win Gold everytime in the Drama event..