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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Page: 14 of 134
If the shoe fits, shove it further up their ass.
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03-30-2012 15:54 by
Marshall the Great
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I wish I had a job where I could frequently say, "If my calculations are correct..."
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05-24-2011 16:06 by
Marshall the Great
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I am pretty certain it is easier to become a Navy SEAL than it is to get a damn fly out of my car.
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06-13-2011 15:47 by
Marshall the Great
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Whoever said technology will replace paper... has obviously never tried to wipe their ass with an iPad.
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12-01-2012 16:55 by
Marshall the Great
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Game: "Would you like to try the tutorial first?" Me: "No." *minutes later* "How the hell do you play this?"
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09-02-2012 21:42 by
Marshall the Great
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If you can't laugh at yourself... I will gladly do it for you.
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11-29-2010 09:52 by
Marshall the Great
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I never make the same mistake twice... I like to fill my day with a wide variety of mistakes from a large number of sources.
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05-23-2010 21:29 by
Marshall the Great
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I planted something on Earth Day... My ass in my recliner for the day!
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04-22-2012 19:09 by
Marshall the Great
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Being right isn't nearly as important as knowing when to shut the hell up.
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05-04-2012 16:13 by
Marshall the Great
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Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?
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02-23-2011 14:04 by
Marshall the Great
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Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
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06-06-2010 21:35 by
Marshall the Great
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If at the end of your life you have no regrets, you did it wrong.
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07-15-2010 11:19 by
Marshall the Great
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If at first you DO succeed, someone's probably going to think you cheated.
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10-09-2010 09:32 by
Marshall the Great
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A report indicates V iagra can cause temporary hearing loss in men. So guys, you can have sex, but you can’t hear the woman talk afterwards. In a related story, V iagra sales have skyrocketed.
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05-26-2013 00:50 by
Marshall the Great
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I heard they're going to be opening up dentist offices in Walmart. They are even including an express lane for people with 15 teeth or less!
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07-06-2011 18:36 by
Marshall the Great
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If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
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06-16-2013 13:51 by
Marshall the Great
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Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted... How's that working' out?
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03-04-2010 14:45 by
Marshall the Great
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A guy is watching TV and suddenly Yells, "Dont enter that church you fool!" His wife asks him, "What are you watching?" "OUR WEDDING!"
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03-26-2012 13:34 by
Marshall the Great
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Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
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01-30-2011 21:50 by
Marshall the Great
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Dear toilet paper makers, We've all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the middle softer. Sincerely, Our asses.
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09-14-2011 15:00 by
Marshall the Great
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