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When I was a boy my Momma would send me down to the corner store with a $1 and i'd come back with 2 loafs of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a block of cheese, a box of tea, 6 eggs and 5 potatoes. You can't do that now , too many feckin security cameras. 
Gone are the days when journalism was just about sharing information and not about sharing personal opinions, prejudice, bias and judgment.
Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.
Walmart: Because going to Target requires a shower
One night my wife said she wanted me to tease her. I said, 'Alright, fatty.'
We all have that face when we try to look happy when we open a birthday card with no money.
Dude, quit posting your stupid Tebow crap.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
Single as a dollar and I'm not looking for change
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain
I like my women like I like my turtles. Helpless when they're on their back.
Some people are like clouds. Once they f*ck off, it's a beautiful day.
My girlfriend wants something with lots of diamonds for Valentine's Day. She is going to love this deck of cards!
We all have a devil and an angel on our shoulders. Only problem is my devil has a gym membership!
Experts say the snake that escaped from the Bronx Zoo may be seeking its natural habitat ..and is heading for Wall St.
When I see a kid about 4 - 7 years old with a mullet I can almost guarantee you there is a meth lab at his house and I would just like to go smack his parents!!
I get the feeling that Americans just think of us Canadians as "white Mexicans" sneaking across the border and stealing their hockey jobs.
Never beg a person for something that someone else is willing to give you.
COURAGE does not always roar,sometimes it is that quiet voice at the end of the day that says''I will try again tomorrow''.
The only thing more awkward than buying condoms would be returning them. 