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Just drunk enough to compose.. Just sober enough to backspace. 
Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but I kinda always thought Tom and Katie would eventually fall in love.
It`s going to be sad when the wife finishes the 50 shades trilogy ...Not cause of all the sex and stuff , but because then I won`t be able to watch sport in peace .......
refuses to swallow my pride. The last thing I need in my diet right now is more empty calories.
Family Rule: Always give the first pancake to the person you dislike the most in your household.
Why do the people with 2000+ friends acknowledge your birthday greeting to them, yet the ones with 62 friends never do?
there will never be true equality until men have to wear jockey shorts with under-wires that lift and separate.
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
A leopard can't change its spots, unless it has Photoshop.
Still working on an electromagnetic pulsating device to disable cell phones in theaters. For now, please continue making do with neckpunches.
Man who fish in other man's well, will problably get crabs!
the man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
says the hardest part of being independent is that people may think you're better off alone.
never regret doing things that will make you happy. we have but one life to live.. it's too short to dwell on negativities.
Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control.
why is it that things that dont interest you suddenly seem exciting when you have serious work to do?
A bit of a Procrastanator, i've been meaning to put that as my status since last week!
never made a fool of any guy that I dated. But then again, I the guys I dated were the "do it yourself" types.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
I will consider running a half-marathon the first time I see someone smiling while doing it. 