Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
n't it ironic that to be popular on social networks, you have to sacrifice your social life. 
going to use this status as a letter to guys. If you use a picture of yourself without a shirt, "flexing" as your profile pic....You're officially a jackass.
Saw a huge yard that had a "Keep off the Grass" sign in the middle, & I wondered...How did they put it there?
thinking why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
When is it considered to early to start drinking...cause I think I'm 4 hrs behind!!!
When someone asks a dumb question it's really hard to not reply with a sarcastic answer
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."---Hedberg Classic :)
Life's best lessons are learned at the worst times.
If You Use Pinesol in A Pine Forest Is It Unscented?
My idea of artificial intelligence is where the Porn tab changes into the Google tab the moment someone knocks on the door
Facebook stalking should be classified as a hobby
There comes a time when you just look at yourself in the mirror, and say" f**k it, this is as good as it's gonna get."
It's hard to tell if someone's short email means they're mad or just busy. I always reply, "Thanks, C***face!" just in case.
my idea of a drinking problem is not having any booze to drink.
If I ever wake up in a room with a bunch of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game", I'm gonna be pissed!!!
Fake: it's the latest trend, and everyone seems to be in style.
I hate running out of deodorant......with 1 armpit left to go
I didn't get fired, I just got demoted to customer.
I'd rather drown going against the current than glide along a journey I don't believe in.
You may have written me off, but I'll never be erased. 