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Took my hubby to the ER last night with one of those four hour erections. All the doctor did was high five him! 
Funny Conundrum: Most single people wana be in a relationship, and most people in a relationship wana be single.
I am actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.
Just found out a human kidney is worth up to 100,000 dollars. On an unrelated side note, party with free alcohol at my house this weekend.
I see you poked me. I assume you are DTF?
You should not be angry if all she wants is your money because all you want is her body.
Just remember, everything happens for a reason. So when I smack you upside the head, remember... I had a reason!"
some say that Justin Bieber is the father of Rebecca Blacks baby....but its not true...There is no way 1 girl can impregnate another
thinks that you are never too old to talk into a fan to hear your robot voice.
congratulations on your 100th problem jay-z!
People always look for that one flaw or mistake to bring you down and ignore all the good you have ever done.
United 93: The first counteroffensive in the war on terror
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There is nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Warning: Alcohol may make people appear more doable than they actually are.
The places where I think up the best jokes are usually in the shower and while driving... It must have something to do with being naked.
He told me he doesn't have a beer gut...but it is just a protective covering for his rock hard abs!!
BREAKING NEWS: In a surprisingly new Marital Sex Survey, men have reportedly finished the survey much quicker than women ....
When you know why you like someone, it's a crush. When you have no reason or explanation, it's love.
I recently lost a friend. Not a real one, just one on Facebook.
15% of men see " <3 " as a heart. 85% see " <3 " as a party hat on boobs. 