jitney Funny Status Messages

   it me or this presidency has experienced more Virus out break since AIDS? Remember the Swine Flu, bird Flu, Housing Bubble Flu, Bank bail out Flu, and my favorite was when Congress Flew

   Well unfortunately this year again, I didnt get to buy any kid's gift on Black Friday. So I'm getting them the usual Xmas present. A big pack of batteries and attach a card to it that says "Toys not Included"..... It's the thought that counts right?

   I never responded to your foolishness because I still have what you don't want me to have!

   First jokess are in..... Why did the referee forget to ask the teams head or tails before the coin toss?.....stay tune!

   The American Dream is still Alive folks...You just can't do it as an employee or a Hillary

   I have a dream, that I could just get paid for having a dream.

   Careful what you write on my FB. My wonderful, charming, brilliant boss reads everyone's email and st@tus Commments! Even if your not his friends he is always on top of things, such a wonderful boss!.....

   Dog Commercials during the superbowl are the funniest. I'm going to sign my dog for acting classes. At least they be more greatful than those hamsters I sent, who drove of in my KIA.

   A Woman's Football League would only be interesting to me if its raining and the uniform are white.

   I hate it when me and my subconscious is having a heated debate...and just when I come up with good comebacks, it thinks up a even better one! I thought about drinking on Friday, subconscious said "how about now!".... good one!

   Sometimes You have to realize that ......( some people can stay in your HEART without being in your LIFE ) ......

   Kermit the frog puppets sales are up......but that's none of my business tho!

   We should probably get ready for the Celebrity Plea for Donation....like they cant flip the bill themselves...

   Bad Timing: When the girl who had a crush on me for 2yrs, sneaks up behind me and gives me a hug right when I just farted! !

   Too many girls put me in the friends zone, I've got to take myself out. Its not going to be a safe haven to long. "The friend zone: where good soldiers go to die."

   Florida's Zombie, Florida's Zimmerman, Florida's Laws, and Florida's Heat Team....sounds like Floridans are leading the chart in the Funny

   I had this stupid female waitress taking out order. My friend asked for a Caesar salad, she then asks: "What dressing?" My brain almost imploded.

   With all these Cops on the road, sometimes I pull myself over, just to avoid a cop from reading my tags.

   ..Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them?....."IN loving memories of all the faces that have been buried here..."

   The Best solution against Zombies, is Weed......Light em Up!