KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   My wife just cleaned out her purse. So, she'll be having a garage sale later this week.

   Money is not a problem. The problem is I don't have Money.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.

   I just want a woman who can lick the crumbs from the bottom of a Pringles tube.

   Preferred sexual position depends on your partner's breath; therefore, doggie remains the favorite for morning sex.

   Polygamy sounds great until you realize you have to keep all the wives happy.

   My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.

   A bee just flew into my car so I had to abandon it on the highway and now I'm walking home.

   Alcohol goes in, honesty and truth comes out.

   I don't have a drinking problem. I have a drinking passion.

   I already hate next year.

   60% of women carry condoms. The other 40% carry babies.

   Woke up again today. When will it stop?

   Forget about sexy, I am bringing good manners back!

   Secret Lovers my a$$! Why be someone's dirty little secret when you can be someone else's pride and joy?

   My plan to discombobulate people with big words has failed egregiously.

   Tim Burton and Johnny Depp should probably start seeing other people.

   I guess some people are the salt of the earth and others are the wounds.

   If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell haven't had enough vodka. Here is another glass.

   We scream at each other, we don't have sex and I'm always in trouble for the crap I didn't do. This isn't a friendship. .This is a marriage!