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   messageicon House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
←Rate | 03-03-2018 09:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My executive meeting with the cats in the board room was going so well, until I brought out the laser pointer to highlight my slide presentation
←Rate | 03-04-2018 09:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think COVID-19 is just a ploy by Netflix to get people to stay in and actually watch Adam Sandler movies.
←Rate | 08-07-2020 09:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband wants to make cauliflower crust pizza so now I have to run to the grocery store and find a new husband.
←Rate | 09-16-2020 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sometimes wonder when I turn on the news if I'm watching breaking news about the Coronavirus or if they've playing the same broadcast on repeat since March?
←Rate | 10-03-2020 23:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My paycheck came in the mail the other day. There was a sprig of parsley inside. Someone had garnished my wages.
←Rate | 10-07-2020 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of saying you’re gluten intolerant, just say you go against the grain.
←Rate | 10-14-2020 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done this year...
←Rate | 10-28-2020 02:17 by MrSharp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder how many mini Reese’s cups I can fit in each cheek before my facial recognition stops working?
←Rate | 11-03-2020 08:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Buccaneers perfectly captured the spirit of Tampa Bay by their feature player being a middle aged man who spent his career in the northeast and then moved to Florida to retire.
←Rate | 01-27-2021 15:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I need to be in a mental institution, then I look around and think that maybe I already am.
←Rate | 11-29-2018 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So how did Amish.com happen?
←Rate | 12-10-2018 21:15 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear future musicians of the world. Just because you can push a button with a drum sound does NOT make you a musician. People used to actually play their instruments.
←Rate | 12-18-2018 22:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at “we have a warrant”
←Rate | 12-22-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just blocked someone on Facebook for correcting my grammar and it feelted good.
←Rate | 01-09-2019 10:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon She blinded me with science! Well, Chemistry... Mace. It was mace.
←Rate | 01-12-2019 10:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being an adult is eating the crust not because you like it, but because you paid for it.
←Rate | 01-16-2019 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife told me to get rid of my Hall & Oates collection. I told her I can't go for that.
←Rate | 05-30-2019 06:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of turkey, I'm Having Grey Goose For Thanksgiving Dinner.
←Rate | 11-15-2021 10:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow. Hard to believe in only a month my wife and daughters will be returning the gifts I bought them.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 19:06 by snotty Comments (0)  



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