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   messageicon You've already put up your Christmas tree? That's nothing. I'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day.
←Rate | 10-18-2018 03:28 by Crewz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often get a "yes" from women, but it's usually followed by, "that's him officer"
←Rate | 10-19-2018 12:04 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kissing is weird. At some point, multiple cultures independently came to the conclusion that wanting to lick the inside of somebody's mouth shouldn't be exclusive to dogs.
←Rate | 11-01-2018 17:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
←Rate | 11-06-2018 18:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Menage a trois- French for disappointing two girls at the same time.
←Rate | 04-04-2017 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like people. I just don't want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.
←Rate | 04-15-2017 02:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
←Rate | 05-07-2017 08:42 by Gump Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every now and then when I'm in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you're listening". If I'm wrong, nobody knows. If I'm right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
←Rate | 06-02-2017 08:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
←Rate | 06-05-2017 16:18 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
←Rate | 07-19-2017 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My train of thought is usually all loco and no motive.
←Rate | 07-21-2017 07:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People say "If you want loyalty, get a dog," but my dog would abandon me in a dark alley for a pizza crust, so maybe loyalty has layers.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 06:40 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want a sneak preview of the new IPhone 8 just look at your IPhone 7 and pretend it cost $999 more.
←Rate | 09-15-2017 00:24 by Moon Comments (2)  


   messageicon The San Francisco Giants visited an orphanage in Mexico last week. "It's really sad to see their faces with no hope" said Juan, age 6.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 11:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think I will use this CSV receipt to wrap up like a mummy for Halloween. BONUS: You can scan me for $1 off any 2 liter drink
←Rate | 09-28-2017 21:42 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Harvey Weinstein & Bill Cosby sit around swapping stories
←Rate | 10-12-2017 07:34 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
←Rate | 03-05-2017 18:16 by X Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 10:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to the doctor because I couldn’t stop listening to Tom Jones. He told me it’s not unusual
←Rate | 01-07-2018 14:37 by MWC Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it's the stupid ones that need the advice?
←Rate | 02-01-2018 09:06 Comments (0)  



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