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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Page: 126 of 134
You wouldn't believe how long it took me to post this from my new Progresso phone can!
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10-23-2012 09:38 by
Marshall the Great
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Whenever someone describes themselves as curvy, I always picture Owen Wilsons' nose.
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05-26-2012 17:41 by
Marshall the Great
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If you are arrogant enough to assume that I know what is going on in your life because I read every single one of your Facebook status updates, I probably hid you a long time ago.
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03-20-2012 11:39 by
Marshall the Great
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Used the men's room at Taco Bell earlier and I'm pretty sure the guy in the stall was giving birth to a Buick.
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04-15-2012 19:10 by
Marshall the Great
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My neighbor and I saw a shooting star last night... so we each made wish. Sadly his house burned down, but my wish come true! :)
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04-16-2012 18:34 by
Marshall the Great
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Conspiracy theorists are paid for by the government to distract people from actual government conspiracies.
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09-02-2012 21:00 by
Marshall the Great
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Of all the unsolved mysteries, I wonder why we must stop talking to be able to start peeing.
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10-03-2010 17:35 by
Marshall the Great
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I can hear the Pink Panther theme song playing inside my head. I may or may not be getting into all kinds of mischief this afternoon.
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11-06-2010 12:36 by
Marshall the Great
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Mom: I've been here four hours and you haven't put your phone down once. How do you always miss my calls?
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11-24-2010 07:04 by
Marshall the Great
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There's a distinct difference between power walking for fitness and power walking because you have to use the bathroom.
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03-31-2011 12:42 by
Marshall the Great
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Police Station toilet stolen - Cops have nothing to go on.
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03-27-2010 14:16 by
Marshall the Great
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Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?
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11-03-2010 23:36 by
Marshall the Great
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Girlfriends are like The History Channel. They always bring up old sh!t.
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04-16-2012 20:44 by
Marshall the Great
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Fake eyelashes are okay if they look natural, but some of you women look like you gonna take flight if you blink too fast.
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05-28-2013 22:09 by
Marshall the Great
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Attention girls who make the Duck Face- THOSE are not the lips guys are interested in seeing all swollen.
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05-23-2012 16:46 by
Marshall the Great
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SEX It may have only 3 letters but it can have as many characters as you like.
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08-24-2011 10:36 by
Marshall the Great
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My girl is a serial over-reactor. You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can't go in the kitchen alone anymore.
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03-22-2013 00:32 by
Marshall the Great
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0
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The secret to eternal happiness lies in the acceptance of its nonexistence.
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06-21-2011 15:45 by
Marshall the Great
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Trust me. Tight fit jeans and loose fit skin are one bad combination.
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07-20-2010 08:54 by
Marshall the Great
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Two wrongs don't make a right, but they have the potential to become a pretty interesting Facebook status update.
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06-10-2010 06:02 by
Marshall the Great
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