Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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Page: 126 of 134

   messageicon You wouldn't believe how long it took me to post this from my new Progresso phone can!
←Rate | 10-23-2012 09:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone describes themselves as curvy, I always picture Owen Wilsons' nose.
←Rate | 05-26-2012 17:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are arrogant enough to assume that I know what is going on in your life because I read every single one of your Facebook status updates, I probably hid you a long time ago.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 11:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Used the men's room at Taco Bell earlier and I'm pretty sure the guy in the stall was giving birth to a Buick.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 19:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor and I saw a shooting star last night... so we each made wish. Sadly his house burned down, but my wish come true! :)
←Rate | 04-16-2012 18:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Conspiracy theorists are paid for by the government to distract people from actual government conspiracies.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 21:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Of all the unsolved mysteries, I wonder why we must stop talking to be able to start peeing.
←Rate | 10-03-2010 17:35 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can hear the Pink Panther theme song playing inside my head. I may or may not be getting into all kinds of mischief this afternoon.
←Rate | 11-06-2010 12:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mom: I've been here four hours and you haven't put your phone down once. How do you always miss my calls?
←Rate | 11-24-2010 07:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a distinct difference between power walking for fitness and power walking because you have to use the bathroom.
←Rate | 03-31-2011 12:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police Station toilet stolen - Cops have nothing to go on.
←Rate | 03-27-2010 14:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?
←Rate | 11-03-2010 23:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon Girlfriends are like The History Channel. They always bring up old sh!t.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 20:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fake eyelashes are okay if they look natural, but some of you women look like you gonna take flight if you blink too fast.
←Rate | 05-28-2013 22:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention girls who make the Duck Face- THOSE are not the lips guys are interested in seeing all swollen.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 16:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon SEX It may have only 3 letters but it can have as many characters as you like.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 10:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl is a serial over-reactor. You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can't go in the kitchen alone anymore.
←Rate | 03-22-2013 00:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The secret to eternal happiness lies in the acceptance of its nonexistence.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 15:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trust me. Tight fit jeans and loose fit skin are one bad combination.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 08:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two wrongs don't make a right, but they have the potential to become a pretty interesting Facebook status update.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 06:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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