Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Picnics are dumb because five minutes after you eat your sandwich you're just a jackass in the park sitting on a blanket.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 10:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 15:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You may write me down in history with your bitter, twisted lies... You may trod me in the very dirt... But still, like the dust, I'll rise!
←Rate | 06-05-2010 11:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're looking for a girl, here is what to look for: 1) HOT 2) SANE 3) SINGLE ... now pick two
←Rate | 11-05-2012 16:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I don't mention you, then the tweet wasn't about you. But if the shoe fits, then lace that bltch up and wear it.
←Rate | 06-08-2013 23:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your wife is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?”... don't answer.
←Rate | 06-25-2011 11:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Swimming can be confusing… some people do it for fun.. I do it not to die.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 20:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just told my child that PMS stands for 'Prepare to Meet Satan.'
←Rate | 03-29-2012 20:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am thinking about going back to college to further my education. Just don't know if I am gonna fit into the stripper clothes I am gonna need to be able to pay for it.
←Rate | 09-12-2012 16:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My buddy asked me, "What are 5 things you would take with you in a zombie apocalypse?" I replied, "That's simple. 5 people slower than me!"
←Rate | 12-23-2012 21:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook: Lying to people you know. Twitter: Be honest to people you don't know.
←Rate | 10-07-2010 19:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world isn't going to end today. Anyway, I'll check the status of my joke after the Winter Solstice, I can't get a signal in my nuclear bomb shelter...
←Rate | 12-21-2012 07:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your girlfriend's cat gets eaten by an angry pitbull terrier, gently singing "The Circle of Life" into her ear WON'T cheer her up.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 10:19 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon had a party last night... sorry you could not come but your girlfriend did.......TWICE
←Rate | 03-01-2010 18:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A police officer stopped me last night whilst I was driving home from the bar. "Do you know why I was following you?" he asked. "Because my Facebook Stastus are funny?" I replied, absolutely hammered.
←Rate | 04-12-2013 10:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lamar Odom is missing and is a crackhead. Let that be a lesson guys, NEVER date a Kardashian.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 23:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon For you non-believers, the Bible is actually 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon i walked past my mother-in-law's house today that was on fire. I spotted her screaming from the top window, "SAVE ME, SAVE ME!!!" ...So I did! ...as my new screensaver.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 15:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do shampoo bottles have to say 'Lather, Rinse, Repeat' on them? My blonde girlfriend has been in the shower for 2 weeks now.
←Rate | 06-28-2012 22:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't focus on the one person who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog sh!t.
←Rate | 09-28-2010 05:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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