Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives.

   When writing the story of your life... Don't let anyone hold the pen!!!

   I've perfected the art of the “You're telling me a story that I don't care about, but I'm trying to look interested” face.

   Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?

   I wish it was my job to sit around laughing at statuses all day. Actually, he is unaware, but that's what my boss is paying me to do anyway.

   I cut my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.

   Some people live upside down. They like to talk out their ass and the only thing that comes out their mouth is sh!t.

   If my boss saw how many cool things I post on Facebook in a day, he'd stop saying I'm unproductive.

   You don't want to look back on your life and say, "I just made it through."

   I just awesomed all over the place.

   I think I'm gonna take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower but with me in it.

   I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.

   How busy can you actually be if you just took the time to change your online status to say so?

   All of my passwords are "incorrect" so my computer always tells me if I forget.

   I am pretty sure that my cute neighbor thinks that I am a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook, Twitter and in her diary.

   My FB account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.

   Ever notice how unaware people are of the world around them? No?

   Fat women want to be thinner. Thin women want bigger boobs. Big-boobed women want clothes to fit better. And you know what men want? Women.

   Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.

   I spend a lot of time wondering what normal people do in my situations.