Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I went shopping at Sam's Club and now I have enough toilet paper to last until 2027.

   I don't understand fast food. I've been eating it for years but I seem to be getting slower and slower.

   I was counting sheep but those little b@stards started talking to me and now I REALLY can't sleep. Plus, I'm high.

   Of course I'm sorry about your problem. Just like the other 1,536 of your friends that keep reading about it. Trust me... we're ALL sorry for reading it!

   MC A of the Beastie Boys has died. I wont be able to sleep until the bury him in Brooklyn.

   Being right isn't nearly as important as knowing when to shut the hell up.

   Since I've started laying crack rocks on top of all my junk nothing had been stolen and everything is organized...

   Not everyone can go down in history, but if you play your cards right...You can go down on me.

   I just got my pen!s caught in my zipper,,,,,,,,,,, I knew I shouldn't have bought those zip up shoes.

   Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo. For many people today is Toileto de Puko

   I just got my pen!s caught in my zipper..................... I knew I shouldn't have bought those zip up shoes.

   I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

   Just ran into the ex-girlfriend. She's doing fine ...but my poor car was totaled beyond recognition

   Sucks when you find out you have crabs and are allergic to shellfish

   I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, & Real Sh!t..

   New Condom Slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.

   I believe in Karma That means I should be able to do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   If I gave a sh*t, you'd be the 1st person I'd give it to.

   I'll believe almost anything someone tells me in a British accent because they sound really smart when they talk.......

   If putting a cup holder, car stereo, car horn, and a patio umbrella on my riding mower is weird, I dont wanna know what normal is.......