Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Officer I know I ran that red light but it's okay, I'll just stop twice at the next one. Are we cool?
←Rate | 12-11-2010 17:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing makes crazy people happier than having a microphone.
←Rate | 01-24-2011 16:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you want to make a difference? Be different.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 08:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This holiday season there's no better gift than the gift of life. That's why I'm giving every girl I know a baby.
←Rate | 12-14-2011 16:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man buys his wife a car and she says "Can't you get me something that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds?" He brought her the bathroom scale.
←Rate | 05-23-2010 21:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I changed my name in my friend's phone to "Marty McFly." Sent him a text saying "We've gotta go back to 1955!" He hasn't texted me back.
←Rate | 08-04-2011 04:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Society needs both optimists and pessimists. For example, an optimist invented the airplane while a pessimist invented the parachute.
←Rate | 08-11-2011 08:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Liking your own status on Facebook is like giving yourself a high five in public...not a good look.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 07:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't get chased by your past. Your future always catches up.
←Rate | 01-22-2011 21:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried to get over myself, but I'm just too awesome!
←Rate | 10-24-2010 13:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always bring my phone with me into the grocery store because I'm expecting a very important fake call if I see someone who knows me.
←Rate | 11-21-2010 08:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to talk about sports, food, or sex. Not in that particular order either.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 18:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most of you like waking up in the morning..... to see the "com ments" and "likes" that your sta tus received. I like waking up in the morning....... to see.... WTF I po sted!
←Rate | 12-01-2012 16:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember to smile at your enemies. It makes you the bigger person, plus your smile will be prettier than their frown. They hate that.
←Rate | 10-11-2012 08:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
←Rate | 06-24-2013 20:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell how much you like someone by how strong the urge to check your phone is when you're with them.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 17:21 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves a woman in uniform...unless she's in my rearview mirror.
←Rate | 03-02-2010 04:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too.
←Rate | 03-30-2012 13:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?
←Rate | 03-04-2010 22:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got pulled over the other day for weaving. I can't even f*cking sew, let alone weave, especially when I'm that drunk.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 18:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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