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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Officer I know I ran that red light but it's okay, I'll just stop twice at the next one. Are we cool?
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12-11-2010 17:08 by
Marshall the Great
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Nothing makes crazy people happier than having a microphone.
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01-24-2011 16:10 by
Marshall the Great
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Do you want to make a difference? Be different.
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11-24-2010 08:15 by
Marshall the Great
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This holiday season there's no better gift than the gift of life. That's why I'm giving every girl I know a baby.
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12-14-2011 16:21 by
Marshall the Great
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A man buys his wife a car and she says "Can't you get me something that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds?" He brought her the bathroom scale.
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05-23-2010 21:27 by
Marshall the Great
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I changed my name in my friend's phone to "Marty McFly." Sent him a text saying "We've gotta go back to 1955!" He hasn't texted me back.
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08-04-2011 04:27 by
Marshall the Great
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Society needs both optimists and pessimists. For example, an optimist invented the airplane while a pessimist invented the parachute.
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08-11-2011 08:25 by
Marshall the Great
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Liking your own status on Facebook is like giving yourself a high five in public...not a good look.
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10-18-2010 07:42 by
Marshall the Great
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Don't get chased by your past. Your future always catches up.
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01-22-2011 21:01 by
Marshall the Great
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I tried to get over myself, but I'm just too awesome!
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10-24-2010 13:40 by
Marshall the Great
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I always bring my phone with me into the grocery store because I'm expecting a very important fake call if I see someone who knows me.
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11-21-2010 08:53 by
Marshall the Great
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Ladies: Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to talk about sports, food, or sex. Not in that particular order either.
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08-16-2012 18:12 by
Marshall the Great
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Most of you like waking up in the morning..... to see the "com ments" and "likes" that your sta tus received. I like waking up in the morning....... to see.... WTF I po sted!
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12-01-2012 16:43 by
Marshall the Great
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Remember to smile at your enemies. It makes you the bigger person, plus your smile will be prettier than their frown. They hate that.
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10-11-2012 08:14 by
Marshall the Great
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I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
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06-24-2013 20:26 by
Marshall the Great
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You can tell how much you like someone by how strong the urge to check your phone is when you're with them.
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04-12-2012 17:21 by
Marshall the Great
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loves a woman in uniform...unless she's in my rearview mirror.
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03-02-2010 04:12 by
Marshall the Great
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I don't believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too.
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03-30-2012 13:45 by
Marshall the Great
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was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?
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03-04-2010 22:58 by
Marshall the Great
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I got pulled over the other day for weaving. I can't even f*cking sew, let alone weave, especially when I'm that drunk.
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10-05-2011 18:42 by
Marshall the Great
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