jitney Funny Status Messages

   I guess I have to set my phone on OKC mode this weekend........No Rings!

   Please stop saying "My Valentine is my child." or "Jesus is my Valentine." Unfortunately, they don't count as real Valentine's.

   These days alot of celebrities are getting divorces. Micheal Jordan just got married, I wonder when the new Air Divorces are comming out?

   Buying someone $1 lottery ticket as a gift and tell them ..."but what if you win".... and look at them light up, while hiding the fact giving them a dollar says they are not worth it!

   Eggs hide themselves when I tell them Chuck Norrris is coming!

   I wonder if Joan Rivers is an organ donor or a mannequin donor? ....

   She said: "I miss the old you." I know that she meant the young me

   Just like the Government....I feel shut-down when my wife talks too much too....

   I had a pet hamster, my idiot brother put a sweater over it and next thing I know, Bam!!! dammm hamster is making millions and rap videos for KIA in my old hoodie!!! Can you imagine what this dog and cat are thinking.....

   Im sitting on the bus minding my own business, until I pull out my Ipad...Long story short, I have 20 extra friends playing candy crush with me now!

   Maybe I should come out with my own sex scandal.....Elmo, Patreaus, Penn State, Arnold, Tiger, Clinton.

   Its like the Mayans knew this was coming........CIA has been compromise, No mo tickle me Elmo, and Slena went Str8 again

   I dont know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future....

   Can someone tell me when Santa is coming? He forgot some of the stuff I asked for

   I was in the elevator.... I pressed number 1. The elevator said with an attitude: "You're going down." F#¥k you Otis

   Did the kid who was voted most likely to succeed back in high school...succeeded yet?

   Michael jackson died 1day before the BET AWARDS....Amy Whinehouse died 1day before the VMA'S and whitney houston died 1day before the GRAMMYs...so are we Expected to expect more pre award and post award deaths?!

   If you are speaking sign language but you have parkinsons, is that considered stuttering?

   It's Siri's time off the month again....she's acting mad and wont answer anything

   Finally got a kiss at my favorite spot......Thanks Herseys!